am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
