All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
