Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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