Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
