is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
