butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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