Kareoke will never be a sober sport
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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