You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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