You can't special order awesome
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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