your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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