I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Randomize
