just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize