I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
