Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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