Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
