you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
