Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
