So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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