Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
