i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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