I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
