So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
