he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
