that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
