tell your sister to shave her snatch
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
