Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
