the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
