Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
