My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
