i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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