I'm eating all of the evidence.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize