So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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