My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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