That's when you crack a 10am beer
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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