It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
