and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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