Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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