I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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