I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
