At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
