So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
