bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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