We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
