I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
