her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize