Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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