And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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