This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
