whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We got so high we made milksteak
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
