wat bout pragnant strippers??
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
