I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
