We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
pray to the hookup gods
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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