They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
