I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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