I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
