yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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