FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
