Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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