I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
