Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize