I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
