there's paper in my vomit.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
