just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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