party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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