What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
