Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize